Sweet dreams aren't made of this

A few months ago I was having really weird dreams every night. That's what happens when you go from eating quasi-healthy food to eating soda, Cheetos, tater tots and frozen BBQ chicken.

All these crazy dreams got me thinking about how amazing our brains are that they can throw random things together and make a story. I used to wonder how my brain would throw me story ideas out of the blue as I was writing. I guess it does it all the time.

Here are some of the bizarro dreams I had.

• I dreamt I was driving my mother’s car into the driveway, but I drove into the back of my car. Then, my brother backed my dad’s car out of the garage, crashing into me.

• I dreamt my Hello Kitty’s seams were breaking and the stuffing was coming out. Every time I tried to hold a seam closed I found another breaking point.

• I dreamt I was at an engagement part for Danny Zuko and some girl, except she was mad because he and his friends weren’t there. I thought of course they aren’t, they don’t like you because they don’t think he should be marrying you. I didn’t think so either, but for some reason I was being really polite about it and not saying anything.

Maybe it was this chick.

• Something about the actress who played the aunt in Sabrina the Teenage Witch, except she was mean like in Fools Rush in

• They temporarily closed the movie theatre in my mall, except design wise it wasn’t my mall. But there was some fancy new three story store with swanky clothing I was checking out. Except there it was difficult to get to the right escalator. Also, there was another floor between the second and third floors, but I forget what was weird about it.

• I was in some church and this guy said he liked me playing the flute (which I don’t remember playing or having with me) and wanted to know if I would play for him and his wife for their anniversary weekend in Vermont. I would have liked to do it, also to be nice, but I said I couldn’t because I hardly played and didn’t have anything prepared and I would make a lot of mistakes and it wouldn’t sound good. His wife was really disappointed.

• I dreamt I was auditing 7th grade. I don’t remember why—like what I was hoping to learn. No one seemed to notice I wasn’t 12.

• I dreamt my friend got shot in the leg. Someone else was putting pressure on it, and then I took over. My friend’s a PA, so I made her look at it so she could tell me how bad it was. She was crying, but really brave.

• I dreamt that a bunch of people got together, even my neighbors, all in their bridesmaids and wedding dresses so we could see the different styles to choose from. I don’t know who was getting married—it wasn’t me.

• I dreamt I was in Australia, but everyone spoke Spanish.

• I dreamt a twelve year old who had a terminal illness invited me to join his band. I wasn’t sure why since I’m not a great singer.

• I dreamt I was at church and I chastised some junior high kids who were talking and making too much noise. I did the full on teacher talk, saying their behavior was unacceptable and disrespectful. Also one of their phones had gone off and the ring tone was “Evacuate the dance floor.”

• I don’t understand this one, but I think I was part of a resistance movement that just won our cause, but we were celebrating like we were at Gatsby’s house and there was a pool and some pillars and it was a summer night and my friend Katie was there, but I woke up before I made my way over to see her.