Chocolate where it doesn't belong

In waffles.



10 Reasons You Should Choose Llamas Over Horses

Are you writing a fantasy novel?  Do you find yourself tired of writing the same old animals?  Are you fed up with horses, who do nothing but carry people, pull carts and demand attention?  Do you ever wonder if there’s an animal out there that can do more, without being so elitist?

Well there is!  Introducing

THE LLAMA!!!!!!!

Llama are large animals perfectly suited for all of your questing needs!*  Llamas have uses in the industries of transportation, farming, clothing, fire-building, tanning and food production.

1.       Does your quest take you to the highest reaches of the Forbidden Mountains? Llamas can travel at high altitudes without getting winded, higher altitudes than lowland animals like horses.

2.       Crossing the barren plains?  Llamas don’t need to stop for water when traveling.  It’s enough for them to drink at the end of the day.  Unless, of course, there is no water, in which case they can get moisture from green plants like shrubs and lichen.

3.       Rocky terrain?  A llama can pick their way over rocky terrain more easily than horses.

4.       Heavy equipment?  Llamas can carry 25-30% of their body weight (130 lbs).

5.       No firewood?  Llama dung can be burned in fires.  They even conveniently poop in the same place every day.

6.       Change of wardrobe?  Llama hair can be spun and woven.  Their outer hair is used for ropes and rugs and their undercoat can be used for clothes.

7.       Need some personality?  Llama’s let you know when it’s time to take a break, or you’re asking them to carry too much.  And like their cousin the camel, the llama spits.   But only with each other (usually).

8.       Are a you a shepherd who needs someone to look after your flock while you go questing?  Llamas can be used as guard animals.  (This is a relatively new discovery.)  They will adopt the sheep as their own heard and scare off coyotes and other predators by spitting, stomping and running towards them aggressively.

9.       Need a long term questing companion?  Llamas live 20-25 years.

10.   Want more llamas now?  Female llamas don’t go into heat; they can breed anytime.  Just stick to llamas in a pen, put on some Barry White and in little less than a year you’ll have a baby llama!

Stop wasting time and get your own llama, today!

*This is not a guarantee.  Please note that llamas cannot carry adult humans, only small children.

Chocolate where it doesn't belong

In yogurt.

Llamas

The research for my new book has lead me first to pre-Columbian civilizations of South America, meaning civilizations that existed before 1492, like the Maya, Aztecs and the Inca.  (Remember those from elementary school?)  My first stop on the tour is llamas.



We've been waiting for you, Meg.



Llamas.  Somehow, I always knew it’d end like this.

You see, in 1^st grade my class went on a field trip to a local game farm to see the animals.  At that time I was afraid of cats and dogs and would cling to my mother’s leg whenever we were near them.  At the farm, the animals were behind fences, so I was all right.  I had a good time walking around with a small group from my class with my mom as chaperone.

Then we went into the petting area.



The petting area consisted of baby animals, who where smaller and couldn’t hurt us.  Their diet must have consisted entirely of handouts from school children because as soon as we went through the gate they crowded around us like zombies looking for brains.



I went berserk and jumped up on top of a bench, crying and screaming as the animals kept bleating at my feet.

I was a bit preoccupied to notice what specific animals were begging me for food,  but one of my classmates insists that it was a baby llama that did me in.  In high school we had French together and he ever learned how to say “llama” in French just so he could tease me and look like he was still working.

So I wasn’t surprised when I realized I’d have to be researching llamas for my book.  I knew we had unfinished business.



It turns out though, that llamas are pretty cool.  You can’t ride them but they’re a lot more hearty and agile than horses. They even hum.

That’s why next week I’m going to tell you 10 cool facts about llamas, and why you should choose them over horses when writing your next fantasy novel.

Chocolate where it doesn't belong

In cereal.

Dear John

Dear Alex book,

Because my book is the closest thing
 I have to a relationship right now.

I want to start by saying that I still love you and I think you’re going to be an amazing book someday.  But right now, I think we need a break.

I know I said you were the one, but let’s face it, you’ve got some serious flaws.  I’ve written 15,000 words of you, twice, and your main character is still wandering throughout the narrative without a purpose.  Every draft there are some major character changes, the set hasn’t been painted yet and don’t even get me started on the plot.  I just think you need a little more time to stew on the back burner.

I’ll be honest; I found someone new.  We met about four years ago as I was reading HP 7.  We kept in touch a little, but last week, when I saw my priest sitting in his chair like he was lording over a mead hall, I don’t know.  Something magical happened.  Now we have a plot, a map, great setting, interesting people, a main character with a purpose.  Even a romantic subplot and a theme.  I really feel like this is something special.

So I’m sorry this is goodbye for now, but I truly think this will be good for us.  We’ll both come back in a few years, ready to give it a fresh start.

Best of luck,

Meg