Writing Religiously: Harold Camping’s “Plan” for the End of the World*

So according to the leader of the theological cult “Family Radio”, the rapture is going to happen in a few short hours (May 21, 2011), then the world itself will end on October 21st of this year. Now, being a pastor and a man who is a mere week away from graduating seminary and being ordained I think old Gollum Harold is flat out wrong. But I do think he has a plan. So I’m posting this creative little piece today so that I can get a jump on the “rapture” that’s going to certainly happen latter today.

Here’s how I think Harold’s plan unfolded:

Prelude: While playing with my grandchildren, I discovered this really great hiding spot! No one would ever find me and a few hundred people if we hid here.

Phase #1: Begin telling my radio audience that I am working on a scam math formula that will predict from the Bible when the end of the world will take place.

Phase #2: Communicate to the suckers audience that I am very close, but need more money for research.

Phase #3: Announce the date of the “rapture,” and express my desire to the audience to warn the world about the coming judgment.

Phase #4: Ask for money.

Phase #5: Buy five or six inexpensive vans and a few billboards and tell the audience that their millions of dollars were sunk into these marketing tactics to get the word out.

Phase #6: Remind the audience that we did not spend millions for television ads because unlike the holy radio and blessed internet . . . television is evil . . . unless I’m making an appearance.

Phase #7: Round up my friends and family Gather with the faithful ones.

Phase #8: Hide in awesome spot mention in “Prelude.”

Phase #9: Make everyone think the rapture happened . . . and only a few hundred were saved.

Phase #10: Figure out a way to destroy the whole world by October 21st.




*I want to again reaffirm that I am not denigrating Christians here, but rather the theological cult that is known as “Family Radio” wherein Harold Camping has, on numerous occasions, told his listeners that the Church-age had come to an end, and that his listeners should leave the church and send in their money to “Family Radio.”